YuGiOh and the Holy Grail
by BakuraVampire
Summary: A Crossover based on one of my Favorite Films
1. The Credits

(BKN) This Story is adapted from the British Favorite Film "Monty Python And The Holy Grail"

(Bakura) Yay –waves flag-

(BKN) Ah yes, This Chapter is the credits which is shown at the start of the film lol

(B) –Blink-

(BKN) Here is the Disclaimer for the "ENTIRE" story so don't sue me, I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or Monty Python And The Holy Grail

(B) Don't sue or you'll be banished to the Shadow Realm hahahaha

(BKN) O.O Ok on with the insane story……………………Ni

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

YU-GI-OH

AND THE HOLY GRAIL

Screenplay by

Yami

Bakura

Ryou

Jounouchi

Kaiba

Yugi

FADE IN:

Starts

00.01 TITLES ON BLACK B.G.

PYTHON (MONTY) PICTURES LTD

in association with

MICHAEL WHITE

presents

FADE OUT:

FADE IN: MUSIC STARTS

MONTY PYTHON

and

THE HOLY GRAIL

then:

M0nti Pyth0n ik den H0lie Gralen

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

Written and preformed by:

Yami

Bakura

Ryou

Jounouchi

Kaiba

Yugi

then:

R0tern nik Akten Di

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

with

Isis

Anzu

Malik

Shizuka

Marik

Rebecca

then:

Wik

TITLE OUT:

TITLE IN:

Also appearing

Rex

Weevil

then:

Als0 wik

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

Also also appearing

MARK ZYCOON ELSPETH CAMERON

MITSUKO FORSTATER SALLY JOHNSON

SANDY ROSE ROMILLY SQUIE

JONI FLNN ALISON WALKER

LORAINE WARD ANNA LANSKI

SALLY COOMBE VIVIENNE MACDONALD

YVONNE DICK DAPHNE DARLING

FIONA GORDON GLORIA GRAHAM

JUDY LAMS TRACY SNEDDON

SYLVIA TAYLOR JOYCE POLLNER

MARY ALLEN

then:

Als0 als0 wik

TITLE OUT:

TITLE IN:

Camera Operator HOWARD ATHERTON

Camera Focus JOHN WELLARD

Camera Assistant ROGER PRATT

Camera Grip RAY HALL

Chargehand Electrician TERRY HUNT

Lighting TELEFILM LIGHTING SERVICE LTD

ANDREW RICHIE AND SON LTD

TECHNICOLOR

Rosturm Cameraman KENT HOUSTON

then:

Wi n0t trei a h0liday in Sweden thi yer?

TITLE OUT:

TITLE IN:

Sound Recordist GARTH MARSHALL

Sound Mixer HUGH STRAIN

Boom Swinger GODFREY KIRBY

Sound Maintenance PHILIP CHUBB

Sound Assistant ROBERT DOYLE

Dubbing Editor JOHN FOSTER

Assistant Editors JOHN MISTER, NICK GASTER,

ALEXANDER CAMPBELL ASKEW,

BRIAN PEACHEY, DANIELLE KOCHAVI

Sound Effects IAN CRAFFORD

then:

See the l0veli lakes

TITLE OUT:

TITLE IN:

Continuity PENNY EYLES

Accountant BRIAN BROCKWELL

Production Secretary CHRISTINE WATT

Property Buyer BRIAN WINTERBORN

Property Master TOM RAEBURN

Property Men ROY CANNON, CHARLIE TORBETT,

MIKE KENNEDY

Catering RON HELLARD LTD

Vehicles BUDGET RENT-A-CAR

then:

The W0nderful teleph0ne system

TITLE OUT:

TITLE IN:

Assistant Art Director PHILIP COWLAM

Construction Manager BILL HARMAN

Carpenters NOBBY CLARK, BOB DEVINE

Painter GRAHAM BULLOCK

Stagehand JIM N. SAVERY

Rigger ED SULLIVAN

then:

And mani interesting furry animals

TITLE IN:

TITLE OUT:

With special extra thanks to

Charlie Knode, Brian McNully, John Gledhill, Peter

Thompson, Sue Cable, Valerie Charlton, Drew Mara,

Sue Smith, Charlie Coulter, Iain Monaghan, Steve

Bennell, Bernard Belenger, Alpini McAlpine, Hugh

Boyle, Dave Taylor, Garry Cooper, Peter Saunders, Less

Sheppard, Vaughn Millard, Mamish MacInnes, Terry Mosaic,

Bawn O'Beirne Ranelagh.

Made entirely on location in Scotland at Doune Castle,

Castle Stalker, Killin, Glen Coe, Arnhall Castle,

Braklim falls, Sherroffmiur.

By Python (Monty) Pictures Ltd., 20, Fitzroy Square,

London W1 England.

And completed at Twickenham Film Studios, England.

Copyright (c) 1974 National Film Trustee Company Lt.

All Rights Reserved.

then:

The producers would like to thank the Forestry Commission

Doune Admissions Ltd, Keir and Cawdor Estates, Stirling

University, and the people of Doune for their help in the

making of this film.

The Characters and incidents portrayed and the names used

are fictitious and any similarity to the names, characters,

or history of any person is entirely accidental and

unintentional.

Signed RICHARD M. NIXON

Including the majestic m00se

TITLE IN:

TITLE OUT:

Songs

NEIL INNIS

Additional music

DEWOLFE

then:

A M00se once bit my sister ...

TITLE IN:

TITLE OUT:

Costume Designer

HAZEL PETHING

then:

No realli! She was Karving her initals on the m00se

with the sharpened end of an interspace t00thbrush given

by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and

star of many Norwegian m0vies: "The H0t Hands of an Oslo

Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge M0lars of Horst

Nordfink".

TITLE OUT:

TITLE IN:

We apologise for the fault in the

subtitles. Those responsible have been

sacked.

then:

Mynd you, m00se bites Kan be pretty nasti ...

TITLE OUT:

TITLE IN:

We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those

responsible for sacking the people who have just been

sacked have been sacked.

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

Production Manager JULLIAN DOYLE

Assistant Director GERRY HARRISON

Special Effects JOHN HORTON

Choreography Aladdin

Fight Director & Jackie Chan

Period Consultant JOHN WALKER

Make-up Artists PEARL RASHBASS, PAM LUKE

Photography JULLIAN DOYLE

Animation Assistance LUCINDA COWELL, KATE HEPBURN

M00se Trained by TUTTE HERMSGERV0RDENBR0TB0RDA

DISSOLVE TO:

Lighting Cameraman TERRY BEDFORD

Special M00se Effects OLAF PROT

M00se Costumes SIGGI CHURCHILL

DISSOLVE TO:

Designer ROY SMITH

M00se Choreographed by HORST PROT III

Miss Taylor's M00ses by HENGST DOUGLAS-HOME

M00se trained to mix

concrete and sign com-

plicated insurance forms by JURGEN WIGG

DISSOLVE TO:

Editor JOHN HACKNEY

M00ses' noses wiped by BJORN IRKESTORM-SLATER WALKER

Large m00se on the left

half side of the screen

in the third scene from

the end,given a thorough

grounding in Latin,

French and "O" Level

Geography by BO BENN

Suggestive poses for the

M00se suggested by VIC ROTTER

Antler-care by LIV THATCHER

TITLE OUT:

TITLE IN:

The directors of the firm hired to

continue the credits after the other

people had been sacked, with it to

be known that they have just been

sacked.

The credits have been completed

in an entirely different style at

great expense and at the last

minute.

FADE OUT:

TITLE ON YELLOW B.G

Executive Producer

JOHN GOLDSTONE & "RALPH" The Wonder Llama

TITLE OUT:

TITLE IN:

Producer

MARK FORSTARTER

Assisted by

EARL J. LLAMA

MIKE Q. LLAMA III

SY LLAMA

MERLE Z. LLAMA IX

TITLE OUT:

TITLE IN:

Directed by

40 SPECIALLY TRAINED

ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS

6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS

142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS

14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS

(CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA)

REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON

76000 BATTERY LLAMAS

FROM "LLAMA-FRESH" FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY

and

TERRY GILLIAM AND TERRY JONES

FADE OUT:

(BKN) Well read and review and you'll get a big wet kiss from Bakura

(B) You WILL NOT!

(BKN) Quiet you…………….Ni


	2. Coconuts

(BKN) The second chapter is here

(B)………

(BKN) The Second Chapter Is Here!

(B)………………………………………………yay

(BKN) Just a note, The Characters like Kaiba and Yugi will be playing other people as well as who they are in this chapter so be warned, and the words in Brackets are the character's thoughts

(B) How helpful

(BKN) Whatever, on with the fic……………………………………Ni

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The film begins. Out of a dense fog trots Arthur, accompanied on two

empty coconut halves by his trusty servant, Patsy. They approach a

castle. Suddenly a guard appears atop a high rampart.

Guard/Kaiba:Halt! Who goes there?

Arthur/Yami: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!

Guard/Kaiba:Who's the other one?

Arthur/Yami: I am, and this is my trusty servant Yugi

Patsy/Yugi: Patsy Sir

Arthur/Yami: Ah yes of course, We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.

Guard/Kaiba:What, ridden on a horse?

Arthur/Yami: Yes.

Guard/Kaiba:You're using coconuts!

Patsy/Yugi: Oh very smart

Guard/Kaiba: Shut up Midget

Arthur/Yami: What?

Guard/Kaiba:You've got two empty 'alves of coconuts and you're bangin' 'em together! (Why did I agree to play this role)

Arthur/Yami: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land. Through the kingdom of Mercia, through...

Guard/Kaiba:Where'd you get the coconuts?

Patsy/Yugi: In a shop, we couldn't afford horses due to the lousy budget --

Guard/Kaiba: Glares daggers at Patsy/Yugi

Arthur/Yami: (somewhat taken aback) We found them.

Guard/Kaiba:--'Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!

Arthur/Yami: What do you mean?

Guard/Kaiba:This is a temperate zone!

Arthur/Yami: -Dramatic Pose- The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house maarten or the plummer may seek warmer climes in winter, but these are not strangers to our land!

Patsy/Yugi: How do you know so much?

Jouno: -Walks in on set- Because it's in the script. –Stands there-

Patsy/Yugi: You can go now Jouno --'

Jouno: Ok……oooh a Midget –walks off set-

Arthur/Yami: -sweatdrop-

Guard/Kaiba:Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?

Arthur/Yami: Not at all! They could be carried.

GuardKaiba:(indcredulous) What, a swallow, carrying a coconut? (Ha ha what a joke)

Arthur/Yami: It could grip it by the husk!

Guard/Kaiba:It's not a question of where 'e grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut!

Arthur/Yami: (exasperated) Well it doesn't matter! Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the court of Camelot is here!

(pause)……………………………

(10 minutes later)…………………………………………………………………………

Guard/Kaiba:Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?

Arthur/Yami: Please!

Guard/Kaiba: (patiently) Am I right. (Hehe it's fun to see him annoyed)

Arthur/Yami: I'm not interested!

( A second guard appears on the rampart. )

Guard2/Ryou:It could be carried by an African swallow! (Yay I'm in the Film )

Guard1/Kaiba:Oh, yeah, an African swallow, maybe, but not a European swallow, that's my point.

Guard2/Ryou:Oh, yeah, I agree with that.

Arthur/Yami: (extremely exasperated) Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot! (I'm hungry)

(pause)

Guard1/Kaiba:But then of course, African swallows are non-migratory.

Guard2/Ryou:Oh yeah...

(Arthur and Patsy give up and trot away)

Guard1/Kaiba:So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway. (Yay the Midgets are gone)

Guard2/Ryou:Wait a minute!Supposing two swallows carried it together! (La la la)

Guard1/Kaiba:Nooo... They'd have to have it on a line...

Guard2/Ryou:Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!

Guard1/Kaiba:What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?

Guard2/Ryou:Well, why not?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(Ryou) Yay tea-break

(BKN) Nice performance out there

(B) I'm forced to agree otherwise I'll be tied down to the "Rack Of Sexual Torture" –shudders-

(BKN) Read and Review and tell me what you think of this Wonderful story which included Seto

(Seto) –Sarcastic- Yay

(B) At least you haven't been tortured yet

(Ryou) Ooooooh

(BKN) Anyway I'll update soon ……………………………………Ni


	3. Death And Devastation

(BV) Hi all

(Bakura aka (B)) Hi you drunk git

(BV) Slaps him

(B) o.0

(BV) It's been awhile I know but I've decided to upload this chapter aswell as 3 chapters of my ever-popular Big Brother, be sure to check it out

(B) Yay

(BV) Anyway, I changed my screen name so I am no-longer Bakura Knight of Ni (BKN), I am now using my username that everyone recognises these days when it comes to me, BakuraVampire.

(B) Woop VV

(BV) Anywho, I'd love to read what you think and you'll get a hug from Bakura if you do ;)

(B) WTF?????

(BV) Enjoy ...Ni (Thought I'd keep this )

2 ANIMATION/LIVE ACTION SEQUENCE - DEATH AND DEVASTATION

CUT TO Terry Gilliam's sequence of Brueghel prints. Sounds of strange medieval music. Discordant and sparse. Wailings and groanings. The last picture mixes through into live action.  
BIG CLOSE UP of contorted face upside down. A leg falls across it. Creaking noise. The bodies lurch away from CAMERA to reveal they are amongst a huge pile of bodies on a swaying cart that is lumbering away from CAMERA. It is pulled by a couple of ragged, dirty emaciated WRETCHES/Honda and Otogi (Otogi¡¦s sobbing over his dirty hair). Behind the cart walks another MAN/Kaiba who looks slightly more prosperous, but only on the scale of complete and utter impoverishment. He wears a black hood and looks sinister.

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: Bring out your dead!

We follow the cart through a wretched, impoverished plague-ridden  
village. A few starved mongrels run about in the mud scavenging.  
In the open doorway of one house perhaps we jug glimpse a pair of  
legs dangling from the ceiling. In another doorway an OLD WOMAN/Anzu  
is beating a cat against a wall rather like one does with a mat.  
The cart passes round a dead donkey or cow in the mud. And a MAN  
tied to a cart is being hammered to death by four NUNS with huge  
mallets.

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: Bring out your dead!

There are legs sticking out of windows and doors. Two MEN/Rex and Weevil are fighting in the mud - covered from head to foot in it. Another MAN(Random Person who showed up) is on his hands in knees shovelling mud into his mouth. We just catch sight of a MAN/Marik falling into a well.

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: Bring out your dead!(This is Ridiculous)

LARGE MAN/Jouno: Here's one!

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: Ninepence.

BODY/Pegasus: I'm not dead! (Oooh a Birdie)

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: What?

LARGE MAN/Jouno: Nothing... There's your ninepence. (I'm poor TT)

BODY/Pegasus: I'm not dead! (Surprisingly enough)

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: 'Ere. He says he's not dead. (Who wrote this?)

LARGE MAN/Jouno: Yes he is.

BODY/Pegasus: I'm not!

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: He isn't. (Gah!)

LARGE MAN/Jouno: He will be soon. He's very ill. (And Drunk hehe)

BODY/Pegasus: I'm getting better! (Hic)

LARGE MAN/Jouno: You're not. You'll be stone dead in a few minutes.

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: I can't take him like this. It's against regulations. (Omg, Dead Collectors have regulations????)

BODY/Pegasus: I don't want to go on the cart. (It's ikky)

LARGE MAN/Jouno: Don't be such a baby. (I wonder what I'll be in my next life?)

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: I can't take him.

BODY/Pegasus: I feel fine. (I want to go home)

LARGE MAN/Jouno: Do me a favour.

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: I can't.

LARGE MAN/Jouno: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes. He won't be long.

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: I promised I'd be at the Robinson's. They've lost nine today. (Little bags of Spuds)

LARGE MAN/Jouno: When's your next round?

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: Thursday. (I'm Quitting if I don't get a better role)

BODY/Pegasus: I think I'll go for a walk.

LARGE MAN/Jouno: You're not fooling anyone you know.

(to CART DRIVER)

Isn't there anything you could do? (I want beer)

BODY/Pegasus: (singing unrecognisably) I feel happy... I feel happy.(Hic)

The CART DRIVER/Kaiba looks at the LARGE MAN/Jouno for a moment. Then they both do a quick furtive look up and down the street. The CART DRIVER/Kaiba very swiftly brings up a club and hits the OLD MAN/Pegasus. (Out of shot but the singing stops after a loud bonk noise.)

LARGE MAN/Jouno: (handing over the money at last) Thanks very much.(Yay)

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: That's all right. See you on Thursday. (Damn I enjoyed that)

They turn ... Suddenly all the village fall to their knees, touching forelocks etc. ARTHUR/Yami and PATSY/Yugi ride into SHOT, slightly nose to the air, they ride through without acknowledging anybody. After they pass, the LARGE MAN turns to the CART DRIVER.

LARGE MAN/Jouno: Who's that then?

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: (Grudgingly) I dunno, Must be a king. (Eyes twitchng)

LARGE MAN/Jouno: Why? (Oooh Yami )

CART DRIVER/Kaiba: He hasn't got shit all over him. (A pity too)

(BV) Poor wee cat TT  
(B) What about it?  
(BV) Anzu was cruel to it  
(Anzu) Only because it was in the script  
(BV) Begone from my sight, Bakura deal with her  
(B) OK Banishs Anzu to The Shadow Realm until she is needed  
(BV) yay , Thanks to everyone who reviewed I hope you liked this Chapter  
(B) I didn't  
(BV) Watch it or I'll tie you down to the "Rack Of Sexual Torture" again  
(B) -Gulps-  
(BV) hehe R&R and let me know what you think...Ni


End file.
